Wordless Wednesday

Insanity Party of Five!

I pride myself on the fact that I have single-handedly made all of my children certifiably insane. I start the process when they’re infants and expand upon it more & more each year. And although the process with my husband has started much later in his life… I’m very pleased to say that he is making the transition to "The Dark Side" quite nicely, though at times he still tries to resist. INSANITY, PARTY OF FIVE!

So anyway, when one of my own demonstrates his/her insanity… It fills my little black heart with a world of pride and joy!

I asked our oldest, Brian, to send me a Christmas Wish List… This is what I received:

Brian’s X-Mas Wish

There is an explicit set of instructions which must be followed to find the desired board of choice.

1. Click here --> https://www.sector9.com/#/product/boards/

2. NOT HERE--> http://www.yahoo.com/

3. Once the Sector 9 website is open locate the (View by series) in the upper left hand corner underneath the (wheels) link.

4. Once located click the arrow to reveal a drop down menu. If you could not find the (View by series) tab repeat step 3.

5. Towards the bottom of this new drop down menu there is a (Sidewinder Series) option, go ahead and select the (Sidewinder Series) option. If you still can not find the (View by Series) tab, exit the website, turn off your computer, and walk away.

6. Once the (Sidewinders series) option has been clicked, three boards will appear on the screen. These are mystical boards which hold much power but only one is right for me, the other two are traps. If you chose the first board labeled, (Dawn Patrol) Garden gnomes will come steal your shoes. If you choose the second board labeled (Off the Wall 2) Minjas, (Midget Ninjas) will switch out the laundry when you are not looking so your darks will be washed with the whites. Assuming you like your shoes on your feet and your whites’ white, the final board is the correct selection. If you still have not walked away cuz you couldn’t find the (View by Series) tab, you are a horrible listener, and a failure in life. You should go and.... I don’t care what you do your not worth effort.

7. Once you have located the (Sand Wedge) board of amazingness, click.............the board, click the board.... STOP READING THIS AND CLICK THE BOARD!!!!..... If you have already clicked it in the previous step I am sorry for being so stern.

8. A window with statistics and pictures of the board will pop up and from here you can purchase or jot down information to see if you can find the board for a better price on another website.

Thank you and have a nice day :D

YUP! The boy is nuts! My work is done here.

Work It!

Okay, I’ve joined a workout center. (sigh) I really tried to resist it as long as possible… waiting in anticipation for the cellulite & flab fairy to make a magical appearance and whisk away my extra inches off to the portly world of the slenderly challenged. But the bitch never showed and now the word is (for normal humans and not those alien Fembots that can pop out five or more kids and still look like a million bucks) that if you want the same body that you had in your 20’s… you have to work for it! WTF!?! And what’s worse is that pizza somehow does NOT fit into the equation! Whatever.

So, off I went to face the cold white steel of the hydraulic body crushers. “Push, pull, squeeze, lift! Don’t forget to breathe.” (There seems to be a fine line between working out and giving birth!) “How are we feeling ladies?” Oh, well… I, for one, am “feeling” like I want to stick your head in the hydraulic abdominal crusher and push, pull, squeeze and lift. So, maybe you’d like to check with the other girls first. And if torture by mechanism is not bad enough, the debilitating butt spasm I had yesterday morning in my left cheek really should have been enough to send me over the edge!

I wonder how my second workout will go.

I think they may actually have this one there...

Push It Krispy Kreme! No Pain No Gain!

Flashback Friday!

I’ve decided that for the month of December I would give my Flashback Friday’s a Christmas theme! Normally I’m a Scrooge or a Grinch around Christmas, and this year is no exception… but I’m committed to try to be a little bit merrier. (bah-humbug)

Christmas morning 1995 was a very special and very memorable Christmas. Travis & I had been dating for a couple of years and he had moved in with Brian & I and my roommate Jen. Travis had decided after our dating for about three months that we were his future and he told me that someday we would share the same last name… Too which I quickly responded, “Shut up, your drunk.” But true to his word, and over a year & a half later, on that cool Christmas morning 1995 he got down on the floor and proposed… To BRIAN! (Ummm… Okay… But can I still have the ring? -haha) With the utmost excitement Brian gave permission to Travis to ask me to marry him… And then he proposed to me. I knew instantly that this really was true love. Not because we had already shared so much of our lives together, and not because I had been stalking him since I was 13, but because any man that can look past the splotchy morning face, smeared worn make-up, that nasty poodle-hair frizz, and morning breath… And still muster up the strength to propose marriage, must truly and purely love me (us) that much. (Either that or the sex was just way to rockin’ to not go ahead and buy stock in it).

And that is my Christmas Flashback for this Friday.

Green

‘Tis the Christmas season and with Christmas comes the lovely shade of green. Divine green trees, wreaths, garlands, and beautifully decorated green packages under the Christmas tree. But even during this magical season, green can be astonishingly unnerving.

The next time you’re out on the road, and you’re beginning to get a little frustrated with the jackass that’s “driving” the car in front of you… Take a moment to note the color of the vehicle. Chances are the car will be green. For some strange incomprehensible reason once you get behind the wheel of a green car, truck, van, SUV, whatever… you become an asshole. I will absolutely make no apologies for this statement! This is me calling you out! If you use a green vehicle to get you from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ YOU, my friend, are an asshole. I thought, (once upon a time,) that white may be the new green… but it turned out to be a few isolated cases… and green is holding true and strong as THEE worst color car to get stuck behind. The police and highway patrol typically look for red, white, or black vehicles… but it is the unassuming green that they should be watching for... As should you! And don’t think that you can get out of it by claiming your car is olive, asparagus, jade, emerald, pear, pine, myrtle, or chartreuse! Green is green… and you’re an asshole. This is my declaration and it is not a random claim. I have put miles of research into what can only be described as a phenomenon!

So be on the lookout!

UGH!

So, there is some serious shiz goin’ down at the place where I work! Our Procurement Manager was just asked to retire by the end of this month! Totally sucks! Not only will I miss her very much, but guess who gets to pick up all the pieces after she’s left! I’m like WTF!?! You mean I actually have to work hard for my paycheck? Now there’s some fine print for ya’! Needless to say this new change will seriously cut into my blogging time! What’s wrong with these people! Don’t they have a life!?! UGH!

Copper City Camping

I really think the best way to sum up our holiday weekend camping excursion would be:

The Griswold’s meet the Jackass Team

Could you imagine watching a flick like that? Now imagine living it!

Murphy's Law was in full force! Anything that could have gone wrong with the RV, did go wrong! Take an all American family looking to have a nice weekend adventure in the high desert of sunny California. Add in a borrowed RV that has seen less action than Mother Theresa. Sprinkle in an energetic group of fun loving guys that live to blow shit up in a campfire!

PRESTO!

Sometimes I think I can still smell the aroma of smores and burnt hair! And here’s the truly psychotic part of the whole thing… We had a GREAT time!

The days were spent reading, drinking and riding quads (btw… Danielle is a Desert Demon on a quad! The girl was a maniac and was seriously hooked!)

Educating the young Padawans on the ways of the air soft…

That beauty is in the eye of the beerholder...

And how to survive gang attacks…

And the evenings… Well those just took on a life of their own.

As I stood 20 feet or more back from the campfire I eagerly tuned in…

“LIVE From Copper City, California… JACKASS!”

One bottle rocket after another went into the fire producing bigger and badder explosions than the one before… And then, with a wine bottle full of who knows what kind of fuel concoction…

“The star of tonight’s show will cover the bottle with a shovel angled back directly at his face… and ACTION!”

“Dude don’t do that!”
“You have the shovel angled right at you!”
BOOM! HUGE BALL OF FIRE! OMG!

“And cut, print, that’s a wrap people! Can we get a medic over here?”

(And yes that really did happen. I'll do my best to get the video... stay tuned.)

Good times… good times...

Yes, you have to love the peace of the high desert on a family holiday weekend.